so i had this thought:
god's love is not goal oriented. love is not goal oriented.
but the christian church? definitely outcome driven. let's love this person for jesus(ah)! let me show this lady kindness so maybe she'll one day see the light and get saved(ah). let me witness love to this troubled teen so he can someday come to my church(ah) and get saved(ah).
missionaries? great idea. help people. problem? a lot of the time it comes off as: we scratch you back, you get saved.
how about just love? no strings, no hopes. just love for the sake of love. because everybody needs to be shown love and everybody deserves to be treated with kindness - at least once. (what i mean is that there really are those who are unlovable and probably are unlovable because they were never loved and so they deserve to be show love and kindness just as much as the next guy.)
hey dude, you hungry? here's some lunch. shitty day? let's grab a coffee. screwed up big time? me too. but it's ok.
i think for many people, this is where the attraction lies in eastern belief systems: it's the same love your neighbour message as jesus' but without the series of unfortunate events (namely the inquisition and all that) attached to their history or ideology. sort of like two versions of the same house with identical interiors; only one is in a really undesirable area with dead appliances and/or cars on the dirt where grass used to be while the other has a nicely manicured lawn with lots of fancy landscaping and curb appeal. see what i mean?
bottom line:
just. love. and love will work out the rest (if there even is a rest.)
let's try that.
5.24.2007
5.12.2007
what i am (not)
at this moment. at this time and this place i find that i can not willingly or confidently identifiy myself as a christian any more.
this gives me great relief. because for most of my journey, i have never quite felt comfortable under that banner. primarily because all the other people - well most of the other card-carrying members didn't seem like people i wanted to be identified with. this is, of course, a huge generalization. as a group, however, i felt that people who call themselves christians tend to leave a bad taste in other people's mouths and more importantly, their fragile, often-broken hearts.
for me it's like having relatives that act really awful everywhere they go. so much so that no one really wants them at their establishments. and then you try to make a reservation and they hear your last name and ask: Are you related to so-and-so?' and then what do you do? you almost want to change your name so that no one will think you act like these people - because you don't.
anti-gay propoganda (louisana had it coming with all their gayness and lewdness) and marches, abortion clinic bombings (pro-life, but only for fetuses), the freaking war in iraq, the shunning of those who don't belong, the spewing of pompous self-righteous rhetoric - these are the kinds of things people think associate with right wing christians - the loudest of them all.
the thing is, though, i really like jesus. moreover, i really like what jesus had to say and how he lived out his message. (word being flesh and all that.) i don't really see much of that in traditional christian chuch today. i'm pretty sure i've already renounced religion a hundred different ways on this blog already. so, i guess it's the same old same old. but this is a process for me.
i'm reading a book called The Secret Message of Jesus by Brian McLaren and though it has some language in there that's still a little wobbly to me, the general message is shifting how i look at the new testament. which is a good thing. since i didn't want to look at it at all over the last year or so. deborah is now reading a book called (something like) "How to Take the Bible Seriously, Not Literally" and from what I hear, this is going to really shift things for me even more.
no matter how far away i walk from religion however, i feel as though i am moving closer to jesus. not necessarily as one to be worshipped, but more as the one who has brought hope and (the message of) healing for our lack of love (commonly called "sin") with his profound realization of the love of God.
i still have trouble praying and am generally uttering words of gratitude, thoughts, ideas, dreams, hopes and well wishes (for others and myself) into what i know is the constant presence of God but without any real intention except kind of "putting it out there". having said that, i will say that last sunday Matthew said a prayer that was the first real, moving prayer experience for me in ... months (?). it was the first time i could say amen to a prayer in a long, long time. so one year after the collapse of my artificial faith, i feel i am on a path toward recovery and healing. the path toward a much less grandiose but certainly more genuine kind of belief.
i know God is real and loving. and present in every breath. and perhaps, that's mustard seed enough.
this gives me great relief. because for most of my journey, i have never quite felt comfortable under that banner. primarily because all the other people - well most of the other card-carrying members didn't seem like people i wanted to be identified with. this is, of course, a huge generalization. as a group, however, i felt that people who call themselves christians tend to leave a bad taste in other people's mouths and more importantly, their fragile, often-broken hearts.
for me it's like having relatives that act really awful everywhere they go. so much so that no one really wants them at their establishments. and then you try to make a reservation and they hear your last name and ask: Are you related to so-and-so?' and then what do you do? you almost want to change your name so that no one will think you act like these people - because you don't.
anti-gay propoganda (louisana had it coming with all their gayness and lewdness) and marches, abortion clinic bombings (pro-life, but only for fetuses), the freaking war in iraq, the shunning of those who don't belong, the spewing of pompous self-righteous rhetoric - these are the kinds of things people think associate with right wing christians - the loudest of them all.
the thing is, though, i really like jesus. moreover, i really like what jesus had to say and how he lived out his message. (word being flesh and all that.) i don't really see much of that in traditional christian chuch today. i'm pretty sure i've already renounced religion a hundred different ways on this blog already. so, i guess it's the same old same old. but this is a process for me.
i'm reading a book called The Secret Message of Jesus by Brian McLaren and though it has some language in there that's still a little wobbly to me, the general message is shifting how i look at the new testament. which is a good thing. since i didn't want to look at it at all over the last year or so. deborah is now reading a book called (something like) "How to Take the Bible Seriously, Not Literally" and from what I hear, this is going to really shift things for me even more.
no matter how far away i walk from religion however, i feel as though i am moving closer to jesus. not necessarily as one to be worshipped, but more as the one who has brought hope and (the message of) healing for our lack of love (commonly called "sin") with his profound realization of the love of God.
i still have trouble praying and am generally uttering words of gratitude, thoughts, ideas, dreams, hopes and well wishes (for others and myself) into what i know is the constant presence of God but without any real intention except kind of "putting it out there". having said that, i will say that last sunday Matthew said a prayer that was the first real, moving prayer experience for me in ... months (?). it was the first time i could say amen to a prayer in a long, long time. so one year after the collapse of my artificial faith, i feel i am on a path toward recovery and healing. the path toward a much less grandiose but certainly more genuine kind of belief.
i know God is real and loving. and present in every breath. and perhaps, that's mustard seed enough.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)