if when i started this blog a couple of months ago, i was at point A, on a table in a cup of religion, i would now be out of the cup, off the table and somewhere near the door getting ready to leave.

except that i am still holding on to the teachings of Jesus.

having said that however, i have to admit that it is the only thing that is still true about what i believe about how the world works anymore. what i mean by that is that i have had some super wild and super woolly experiences that have pretty much dessimated my boxes and it has been both liberating and scary. i keep thinking that i feel like i'd imagine those isrealites might have felt when leaving egypt. holy sh*t, we're free!!!! .... what's for breakfast, Mo?

to sum it up, i have basically moved into the realm of reincarnation. (!!!!!) this, for me makes so much more sense than the heaven or hell story. i still believe that heaven is/can be here on earth as the concept is translated into closeness to God. and that God has placed herself/himself into every being. the quote "we have eternity in our hearts," comes to mind but i don't know who said it. loving god and serving god is, i think, very much about healing our own broken hearts and then allowing ourselves to be so filled with Love that we can't help but "spill" into our lives.

i don't have all the answers, by a longshot. i still believe that jesus' life was the point. but that his death was still hugely significant. i don't believe in a bloodlust god. i don't believe we are unworthy of Her love or that we need to grovel and beg for forgiveness at the hem of his robe (is that how you treat your kids?) i believe prayer is much more about shifting our hearts than about shifting god's actions. i do believe this is one path to divinity - love - but that it is accessible by all. i believe that the sacred writings (thanks Deborah!) have some insight to offer but that they are not the be all and end all and must not be taken literally at all times.

i believed that i am loved in a way that i cannot comprehend. as are you. but that the tension opposite of that is that this life is only one six billionth about me (as worded so eloquently by Anne Lamott).

i am realizing the truth of what Christian said about the violence of choosing one piece of the whole and loving that one piece to the exlusion of the others. at first it really made my head shake like hold on a second, WHAT? but the more clearly i see dimly what love really is, the more i understand the craziness of the notion that one is to be adored more than the others. which makes no sense if we spirits are all part of the same whole.

to quote another insightful phrase by whom i cannot say and i know it will butcher it to be unrecognisable but what the hell, here goes: "we are not bodies with spirit inside, but spirits with bodies" or something like that. this is also from Anne Lamott's book Grace (Eventually).

but as obvious as that is, it helped to shift something in me that chipped away yet another small chunk of the remains of former edifice of judegement from which i loved to be right.

quite honestly, however, i don't think it matters too much WHAT i believe as long is i belove.

another wonderful thought beautifully articulated in yet another quote from a Book by James Twyman

so, my moment of peace is finished (here at the computer, i mean). i must go in peace to love and serve the lord. until next time... be love.