the divvying of one's heart

there's this church that i pass by fairly often and they have one of those marquis type signs where they put up a one-liner "message" each week. i kind of like this because it serves as theological fodder for me. i read what's there and instead of immediately dismissing it as CCR (crazy christian rhetoric), i think about it and ask myself questions like: do i agree or disagree? is there any truth to it? how can it be of any service to passers by? can they find Love through this one liner? (i mean, what is the point, exactly?)

this week it reads: make sure no one has a bigger portion of your heart than God.

hmmm... so the implication is that we are to devote only a portion of our love to God and a big portion, but a portion nonetheless. and then the rest is for i guess family and friends. but what if loving everyone was really loving God? could it be that we can really only love Love by loving everyone the same?

for me this is a daunting proposition. can i really love everyone the same? Mr. Phillip who washes my car on the weekends? The sour checkout girl at the market? My coworkers? My parents? My husband and kids? even though I truly believe that we are all one and that every single human being is my ... (counterpart comes to mind) .. and my brother/sister (including my kids, eventually.. ish) and that every one of us matters to Love exactly the same it still isn't a part of me like the way i say hello without thinking. Like the way i kiss ryan a hundred times in a minute without thinking. Like the way that sometimes when i look at nathan every fibre in my being just wants to hold him and feel him next to me - without thinking.

I am still having to say to myself "this woman is my sister. this man is my brother." and even so, do i really believe when i tell myself? sometimes when Mr. Phillip comes to wash the car and I have given him a paper plated meal, a part of me wants to ask him to come in and sit to share the meal with us, but that part (if i am to be honest) is greatly overshadowed by the 'sensible' me who says, what if he comes in and makes plans to break in after he says the layout of the house? and the unspoken thoughts too about the boundaries that exist between us.

do you get what i'm saying? (do i get what i'm saying?)

i don't know. but i believe that loving LOVE, the Divine is best expressed by loving who S/He loves too.